When Your Child Won't Listen, Stop Explaining

Hey there,

A mom told me about a situation with her son that really stuck with me. He kept pushing after she had already told him no. She could have simply said, “I've already answered you,” and tried to shut down the conversation or even tried to explain her ecision using logical reasoning.

Instead, she appealed to something she knew was important to him: caring about other people. She talked about how his persistence was putting her in an impossible decision because no matter what she decided, it was a loss. She just spoke in a plain, matter of fact tone and kept it brief.

His response was pretty remarkable. He stopped, hugged his mom, got emotional, and apologized. She didn't expect that response, but she was so thankful for it. What she didn't realize was that she tapped into his conscience.

That got me thinking about how often we get into these logic conversations with our kids. We explain why they need to do something, they give us another reason why they shouldn't have to, so we give another explanation. Before long, we're ten minutes into a conversation that probably isn't going anywhere.

Sometimes our kids don't need another explanation. Sometimes we need to reach something deeper.

In my newest video, I talk about the conscience and how we can use what's already strong in our kids to help strengthen what's weaker. Maybe caring about others is a strength we can use to help a child take responsibility. Maybe honesty is already important to them, and we can use that to help them make things right.

This isn't about manipulating our kids or finding a clever way to get them to comply. It's about helping them connect what they're doing with what matters to them and, over time, helping them develop an internal guide that will help them make wise choices when we're not there.

I'd love for you to watch this one and let me know what you think. And if you have a situation with one of your kids where you've found yourself stuck in one of those endless logic conversations, hit reply and tell me about it. I always appreciate hearing what you're working through with your kids.

All my best,

B.J.